You be the judge: should my flatmate make coffee for both of us in the morning?

The prosecution: Steve

I always make a pot of coffee for the two of us in the morning, but Hamish only makes it for himself

My friend Hamish and I share a flat and we work from home several days a week. We both like coffee, but disagree about who should make it and when.

When we’re both in the flat, Hamish will only ever make coffee for himself. I don’t get it. He just makes enough for himself and won’t check whether I want one. We work in different rooms and if Hamish is at home, I’ll drop him a message asking if he wants coffee. I’ll give it a couple of minutes and if I don’t hear back, I’ll still make loads. We have a cafetière: you put the ground coffee in and add water before pushing the plunger down. If Hamish says no to coffee, I won’t make too much, but I’ll still add a bit more in case he changes his mind or I want another cup.

I alternate my work-from-home days. Hamish says he never knows if I’ll be leaving for the office, so he doesn’t bother making a bigger pot. But when I’m home, I always check if he’s in. Why can’t he do the same?

Then he says he doesn’t like chatting first thing, as he’s not fully awake. I’m more of an early riser and don’t mind talking. But when you’re making coffee, the physical effort required to add one extra spoon is minimal. So why not just do it in case someone else wants some? I don’t see how it makes your morning any harder.

What’s most annoying is Hamish making coffee just for himself and then leaving the granules in the cafetière. I have to wash it up before making my own. That’s a slight: first seeing evidence of coffee you didn’t get to drink, then having to clean it before starting the process again.

Sometimes Hamish says making extra coffee is wasteful. We don’t have a microwave, so once the coffee goes cold, that’s it. But even if it goes cold, that’s only 20p’s worth of coffee gone to waste, so I’d rather take the risk.

The whole thing has become a bit of a running joke. Sometimes Hamish says I’m a moral crusader, that I like to get on my high horse about little things for the sake of it. I guess that’s true, but I genuinely think he is in the wrong here.

The defence: Hamish

I don’t always know if Steve’s in. If I make a pot and half of it goes cold, that’s a waste

I’m not opposed to making coffee for other people in principle, but in our flat it just makes sense for me to make it for myself. When Steve and I lived in a shared house at university, we were with lots of other people, so I would often make a big pot for everyone, which would always get drunk. But now that it’s just the two of us, making too much coffee at a time seems wasteful.

The main issue is that I don’t always know whether Steve is staying in or not. We both work from home three days a week. But I always work from home on the same days, whereas Steve’s routine changes. During the week, he works in the living room because he has the smaller room, and I work in my bedroom.

It might sound weird, but it’s hard to tell if Steve’s home. We stay quite separate during the day, and keep our doors closed. We’re often listening on video calls, and even if Steve is home, he might be in a Zoom meeting for a couple of hours. I don’t want to disturb him.

I think: well, if I make coffee and the rest of it just sits there, it will get cold. We don’t have a microwave, so we can’t heat it up again. A cold brew probably doesn’t taste as good. Besides, in the morning I just want to get on and do my own thing and not really have to speak to anyone. I’m definitely not a morning person – most people know that about me, including Steve. Pretty much anything will stress me out before I’ve had a coffee.

I get that it can be annoying for Steve to get up to make a coffee and find I’ve already made one for myself. I suppose it also twists the knife in a little deeper when he then has to wash up the cafetière that I’ve made my coffee in before making his own.

When Steve makes me coffee I am grateful, don’t get me wrong, but I also never ask him to do it. I would be more than happy to make the coffee for myself if I had to. In the mornings, I just like to stay in my zone, make the coffee, take it back to my room and drink it by myself. What’s so wrong with that?

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Hamish make coffee for his flatmate Steve, not just himself?

Hamish mate, your pal is crying out for a little social interaction. He’s not asking to be spooned in bed, just in the cafetiere. I get that you like your lone wolf life, but this small act will make Steve smile and, if you let it, give you a warm and fuzzy feeling too.
Ian, 30

It’s part of the housemate code to offer a brew to others if you’re making yourself one – it’s all part of sharing a space. So Hamish is guilty. I would also not be happy having to clean the coffee maker first thing in the morning.
Amy, 28

Hamish has shown Steve who he is, yet Steve won’t accept it. Hamish’s reasoning is sound. My only suggestions are: clean the machine after you use it, and buy separate bags of coffee if cost is an issue.
Millie, 58

As someone who hates waste, I’ve got to side with Hamish. However, there isn’t any excuse when it comes to not washing the cafetiere. It only takes a minute, if not seconds.
Samuel, 30

It’s reasonable for Hamish to recognise his needs and to want to do his own thing in the morning. That said, it would be nice if he extended some consideration to Steve once in a while – making an extra coffee is not a huge task but is always hugely appreciated.
Alannah, 32

You be the judge

So now you can be the judge. In our online poll below, tell us: should Hamish start making coffee for two?

The poll is now closed

Last week’s result

We asked if Min should do her daughter Amy’s laundry, like she does for her son Ailun.

44% of you said no – Min is not guilty
56% of you said yes – Min is guilty